How to Deal with FOMO

fomo Jul 05, 2021
How to Deal with FOMO

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Anne Richardson joins me on this episode of The Life Without Overwhelm Show as we discuss FOMO and how to deal with it.

UNEDITED TRANSCRIPT

Mark Struczewski
Welcome to another edition of the Life Without Overwhelm show. I got a special guest with me today and I say special guest because she's my mastermind buddy all the way over in England, across the pond as they would say. She doesn't always speak correct English she says scheduled and literally differently than we do, but she's a cool cat so Anne Richardson, welcome to the Life Without Overwhelm show.

Anne Richardson
Hello, Mark, I'm so pleased to be here.

Mark Struczewski
Wednesdays are Anne and my mastermind days and we just had our mastermind and now we're on a live. So she wouldn't want to see me for about a week. But that's okay. And we're going to talk about FOMO today, and a lot of people talk about FOMO. And they go well, you know, FOMO is all about social media and technology. But you and I know very well, that FOMO has been around since the beginning of time. So what are your opening thoughts on the fear of missing out?

Anne Richardson
Well, first of all, yeah, important to say FOMO is fear of missing out fear of missing out isn't a new thing. And FOMO that terminology is a new thing but fear of missing out has been around since you know caveman days. It's a primeval instinct, in as all fear of missing out was there to protect us, you know, and to make sure that if there was a kill, you know, and we needed food we didn't miss out, you know, we were there, getting our food, taking it back to our tribe. And being part of a tribe has always been really important. You know, people and animals who don't, you know, stay with their pack, can you know they die. So fear of missing out is a primeval need. It's not something that you suddenly become like a jealous little girl and what we are worried about missing out on. It's within all of us.

Mark Struczewski
Yeah, and, you know, FOMO is magnified in this day and age because we have these apps, we have these cell phones. And I was born in 1965. I grew up in the late 60s and 70s. We had to wait until the evening news or the morning paper, there was no Twitter or Facebook or text messages and you and I turned out just fine. We don't have to know what's going on the second it happens. But we live in an age now where so many people are obsessed with knowing what's going on every second of the day.

Anne Richardson
That's right. I remember my brother being obsessed with football. And he would wait for Saturday at five o'clock, run down to the shops, I don't know if they have newsagents in America. But in England, we have newsagents, they sell newspapers, and they sell sweets. And he used to run down and buy the green and it came out hot off the press and it had all the football results in it. Oh, soccer to you. And that was you know, if you didn't get the green then you you might have fear of missing out, you know, on the latest football results. Whereas now we're on Instagram and we're thinking I haven't got the latest shoes or the latest earrings or, you know, my hair isn't right. My nails aren't right. There's a massive, it's kind of become a lot more psychological visually for people, I think.

Mark Struczewski
And it even goes further with technology today because we have Siri, we have Alexa, we have Google Home. And you can just without even moving your body. Just say hey, whatever the person's name is, who won the game last night? And so yeah, FOMO is a real thing. But here's the thing we were talking about during our mastermind call today then you said something very interesting. FOMO is nothing more than shiny object syndrome. It's like instead of focusing on what we should focus on, writing a book, creating a course, creating a membership site, launching a YouTube channel, we're not doing that. That's going to help people who are obsessed with what's going on in the world.

Anne Richardson
Yeah, definitely. I think that shiny object syndrome or FOMO, whatever we want to call it has become massive. And it has mental health implications for people too. So as well as laughing about it. There are actually some very serious points about FOMO young I worry about the youngsters growing up being surrounded by so much competition so much in their face. Faces of you know what they should look like what they should be like. Computer games should be playing, what trainers they should be wearing. And then I look at myself as a business person, and I can't help but look at what the latest coach is doing or mentor or trainer is doing. And they look like they're doing amazingly. But like you said, and I said earlier, everything that shines is not gold.

Mark Struczewski
Hmm. Very true. So now that we define what FOMO is the fear of missing out, let's give the people some very simple because you know, me, I'm a guy, I'm a coach who believes in simplicity because if you give someone a complex idea, they're not going to do it. So let's give them some really simple ideas. I'll start even though lady should go first, I'll start because that's what it's my show. I tell people to turn off all those notifications on your phone for social media and email. Now you can leave the ones on for text messaging unless they are overwhelming. And neat. You can leave your news apps and your weather apps and stuff like that. It's really important, you know, there's something going on in the world in terms of weather, but you don't need to know that someone liked your picture. Or like, if you are in Strava, like you and I are daily runners, that a lot of suddenly turned off. And guess what, when you go on the app, all that stuff is gonna be there when you're ready for it.

Anne Richardson
Absolutely. I mean, I didn't even know how to turn my notifications off, until I realized when the button was so going into Settings, then go into notifications, and you can turn them all off. And I stopped my Facebook, my Facebook Messenger messages, and announced notifications A while back. And it's like a new lease of life. For me, it really is, it's quite a nice surprise when I turn Facebook on. And there are loads and loads of things to look at and deal with. So it doesn't change the world, the world doesn't stop because you stop getting notifications. So I definitely agree. And I thank you for recommending that I do that's you know, it's pretty awesome. It is definitely my second tip is to stop looking and start doing, If we weren't so obsessed with consuming stuff, and we did more than our lives would move forward faster would be more fulfilling, we are so obsessed with consuming all this information. And a lot of it depending on what you follow can be very negative, which puts negative thoughts into your mind. If it's not negative stuff you reading, it's comparative, like we were saying it's looking at people thinking, oh, they're doing better than I am or, or whatever. So rather than becoming a consumer of it all, think about what can I put into the world that would be helpful out or that somebody might get benefit from. And that's how I turned really and change from, you know, looking at stop looking and start doing and kind of just, it's freeing. That's, you know, it's a fantastic tip to start doing straight away.

Mark Struczewski
And Gary Vaynerchuk always says stop dwelling and start doing; so many people are dwelling. And what I mean by dwelling is do you need to watch seven shows on Netflix? Do you really need to watch, you know, four movies or play a video game for nine hours? No, you don't. I mean, go ahead and watch a show, or go play some video games, whatever. But you should be spending more time doing not so much to make money. I mean, that's a nice side benefit. But when you make content that serves people, you're helping other people that thus the word serve. And I would encourage people to think about how they can serve. I don't care if you're a school crossing guard, if you're a janitor, there are things that you know, that you can share with the world. There are probably people out there in all likelihood that would love to know what you know. And if you stop looking and comparing and dwelling and start doing, you're going to feel better and you're going to serve more people.

Anne Richardson
That's so true. But you know what, as well mark, the reason that people don't do that is because they are worried about being judged. And the fear of being judged comes from being too overly aware of what other people are doing. So if we stop looking in outwardly so much and start becoming inwardly more concerned with what we can give rather than how we look at what we can get. It just makes life feel so much better, so much richer.

Mark Struczewski
And it's no secret that givers get if you want to know why the rich keep on getting rich because they give and they give and they give a lot of people well let me tell you this story I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, my wife and I took it several times, not because we failed, but because we need the encouragement. And, and he's a big get-out-of-debt guy and he tells the story that if someone gives you a $50 bill or whatever the equivalent is in England, and you hold it your tight fist, well, that money can't leave and more money can't come in. But if you lay your hand open, well, now the money can go, and more money can come in. And so I want to ask the viewers and the listeners for those who are listening to this on the podcast, are you holding on to your money, your content, your talent, your gift for the world so tight that you're not sharing? Or are you a giver? I really recommend people go pick up Adam Grant's book Give and Take. Because I realized after reading that book, I'm a giver. And I know you well enough to know that you're a giver. So are you a taker? Are you a giver? Are you a hoarder? Or are you a giver? And I can tell you people who give out of love and out of caring are much happier because you're mentioning mental health, where there are much happier than people are not.

Anne Richardson
Absolutely, I heard a story by I think it was Jack Canfield. And he wrote Chicken Soup for the Soul. Anybody read that book? Well, no, it's a wonderful book packed full of stories that really do warm the cockles of your heart. And he was telling a story that he was at a training seminar and he gave a $100 bill to somebody in a seat. And he said, Now you can have that on the proviso that you share it with the person next to you, you have to make a deal with them how much you're going to give them you have to decide how much you're going to give them. And you can only keep it if they accept your first offer. So they have to decide, am I going to keep 99 and give them $1? Or am I going to give them $99 and me keep $1, because you're still $1 up? And it was a really interesting exercise that he did on several levels. And even when sometimes you offer somebody 50%, they want more. And so neither of them go home with any money. And very, very interesting test in a way. So I never think about what I might get in return. When I'm giving I always give from the goodness of my heart. And I don't expect anything back. There are no complications, no expectations. And when you give with a free heart, it's just fantastic. It's a great feeling.

Mark Struczewski
I have taken that to my tipping, I will you know once in a while we'll order from Uber Eats or Grubhub or something like that. And I don't go low on the tips. I will give more tips. And most people do because these people are going to pick up my food and bring it to me. Now you may say Mark, you're kind of lazy, aren't you? No, I'm not my wife and I have one car. Okay, and when she goes to work, and I want some food I order in. But I respect everyone who brings me food. I always greet them cordially. I always tip them well, because they're doing a job. And they're not less of a human being than I am. And so by becoming a giver, I feel better. When you are not attached to knowing everything that's going on in the world. You don't suffer from FOMO I very rarely suffer from FOMO I used to if I forget to record a TV show my oh my gosh, I forgot now it's like, oh, well, it didn't like my aunt always says the saying I love it. Because it doesn't affect world peace. If I miss a show, it doesn't affect world peace. I mean, I do watch it streaming. But you know what? It's a show it was pre-recorded six months ago, and I don't let this bother me anymore. We as a human race have got to realize what's truly important. And I would argue you knowing when your favorite thought leader tweets something within 60 seconds. Probably not that important.

Anne Richardson
You know living your life, you're living their life. Yes. And that this is a thing where you can't possibly create your own life and grow and give, have everything that you want. While you're so obsessed with what everyone else is doing. I am fine. You know talking about this Mark, I'm not criticizing people for doing it because this is the way it is. It's very difficult when there are so many distractions. It's like the wild wild west out there at the moment. You know, there's ping, ping, ping, it's Twitter, Facebook who said this the news, it's everything and the only way to take control of it and stop worrying about what everybody else is doing and concentrate on you. It is like you say to just turn off the noise. Turn off the noise go inward. Think about what you want in life where you're going. And like I said, it's not just about money. It's not Just about work. It's about everything. You know, what do you want from your life? What do you want your children to see you doing as well? Do you want your children to see you attached to your phone all the time, wondering what everyone else is doing, having to have the latest this on the other, I want my child to grow up feeling really fine and self-assured that he's fine the way he is, he doesn't need everybody else's got in order to be validated in any way. I want him to know that you know, being aware of what you are and what you want, given the world is all you need. It's all you need.

Mark Struczewski
100%. And even though you're using this technology to consume this, this episode here, take a break, take the dog for a walk without your phone, go for a walk around without your phone. You don't need technology all the time. So I hope that the people who listened to this got value because I certainly got value from talking to you. And so where can we go to find out more about you and what you're doing in the world?

Anne Richardson
Well, really, you can look me up on Facebook. I'm just Anne Richardson. And I also have a group for females who are wanting to increase their success. It can be female entrepreneurs or want-to-be female entrepreneurs. I have the female success community it's a free group. And anybody's welcome to come and join just have three-level questions which just ask you, who you are, and what do you do and what would you like to get out of the group? That's it. And people can work with me on a one-to-one basis and I have a few programs launching but you know just make contact with me and I'm happy to help or talk to anybody.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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