Transforming Fear to Love - Jessica Zemple

motivation purpose Jun 15, 2021
Mark Struczewski, Jessica Zemple

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Jessica Zemple helps individuals and organizations find their deeper purpose and translate that into authentic success through transformative coaching, workshops, retreats, and motivational speaking.

Her website

UNEDITED TRANSCRIPT

Mark Struczewski
Jessica Zemple helps individuals and organizations find their deeper purpose and translate that into authentic success through transformative coaching, workshops, retreats, and motivational speaking. Jessica, welcome to the show.

Jessica Zemple
Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.

Mark Struczewski
You are so happy.

Jessica Zemple
I am.

Mark Struczewski
I mean, I mean, I know this is an audio only podcast. But folks, she's got this biggest grin on her face. And I really think she really wants to be on the podcast today. And I love when guests come in this state, because they deliver more value to you, because they really want to be here. So thank you for being so happy today.

Jessica Zemple
It's my pleasure. And I just appreciate connecting with you. Thank you.

Mark Struczewski
Well, I really appreciate you being here. So let's talk a little bit about what you do. Because, you know, the last year and a half, we've been dealing with this pandemic, and whether you however you feel about it, if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I tell people, there's good in everything. For example, when they got rid of all sports for a year, it was good for me because it got rid of my addiction to sports. I mean, I'm always sitting down to watch a basketball game or hockey hockey game, and I sit there go, am I gonna go do something, I'm gonna read a book or something. So I really love that part about COVID. Because I don't have to waste my time watching sports. So I believe in any crisis, there are good parts and bad parts. So what do you think about that?

Jessica Zemple
Absolutely. That's actually the metaphor I work with, I really look at everybody as a pearl. And for those of you that are familiar or unfamiliar with the pearl process, it is the grit inside the oyster that creates this beautiful pearl. And so I really see all of our grit in our lives is actually what creates our beauty. So whether it's COVID, or any other life circumstance, while it might be challenging to be going through it at the time, it really is part of who we are and where our strength comes from, where our confidence comes from. So I see it as integral and actually a really beautiful thing, when we can and reflect on the gifts and how it's benefiting our life.

Mark Struczewski
I think that's a key word gift we have to look at every day as a gift. I recently went through Tony Robbins unleash the power within weekend up W. And he told the story about how many years ago somebody ripped him off. He was on the road 250 300 a year, days a year, whatever it was. And his accountant called them and said, Hey, listen, somebody, you know, embezzled a lot of money from you. So one of your partners, and he got really upset using the F word and stuff like that. But now he says one of the things I learned from that is now I use a different effort. I say fascinating, because Oh, isn't it fascinating that you stole someone's money from me in such a short period of time? You know, because you change your state, instead of getting angry? What can we learn? What can we learn from COVID? What can we learn when someone embezzled money from us? And I think if you operate from that point, then you are a more ulties you work as a beautiful person. I mean, look at life is going to happen to every one of us. And it's not the question of it's going to happen to us. It's a question of how are we going to react to that situation.

Jessica Zemple
100% it really is how you look at the issue is the issue. So if you look at something as damaging, challenging, any any other quote unquote, negative perspective, that's how you're going to feel. And it's going to be harder to get to the other side of that if you stay in that rut. And if you can flip the perspective now, I would say to be careful for what I call a spiritual bypass. So sometimes I'm working with people, and they're in challenges. And immediately they want to go to what the gift is, rather than allowing themselves to go through the anger to go through the sadness, all of that is instrumental to our healing as well. So not to jump too fast to the blessings. And also, I think that's important too, because sometimes people feel bad if they feel bad, if we're telling them, hey, you need to find the blessings, the silver lining here, while they're in the middle of some trauma, or challenge or anything like that. We can actually shut their shell close them up, and maybe even they see they're longer because they're confused and then now they're judging themselves so, so really allowing yourself to go through the natural emotions in a healthy way. And at the same time, we Look at Okay, what is this offering for me? Why is this here for me? Rather than Why is this happening to me?

Mark Struczewski
You know, when you were saying that I had a thought in my head, this is where my mind went, I do apologize to the listener. But let's say you get in a really bad car wreck. And the person you're with, they had to be taken to the hospital, the other person that was involved in the accident, they had to be taken the hospital, you don't want to say, Well, at least I got a new car out of it. That's what Jessica saying. I mean, that's, we need to go through the process. And that's a really crazy example. But that's what you're talking about, right? Absolutely. I've never, that's a great example. I might have to use that one going forward. Yes. My listeners know, that's where my mind went. You know, that's just just the way it is. Now, I want to talk about something that I really liked to make this podcast tactical, I want to go back to the basics. Every fall when the NFL players, National Football League players, for people outside the United States, because football over in Europe is called soccer. But anyways, I digress. When they return to training, can they go back to the basics Tom Brady's been around the league, I think 1842 he gets out there and he throws footballs, and the receivers catch footballs and the running backs, practice getting handoffs, they've been doing it since they were kids. But every fall, they go back to the basics until your point about going rates, the blessing, I think we need to get really tactical for the listener, we need to go okay, how do we operate? Because people are saying, Jessica, I just say what you're saying, I get it. But when I'm in the crisis, you know, how do I deal with all those emotions, whether it's anger, or pain or sadness, give us some practical tips that we can take and implement today.

Jessica Zemple
Yeah, so um, there's a lot of different possibilities there. I actually just supported my partner through cancer. And fortunately, he's on the other side of that healthy. And so I really got to live this in real time. And the tools, I use one journaling, I allowed my emotions to be what they were, we were terrified, he had a stage for diagnosis. And, and there's a lot that comes with that. And to go around, that wasn't going to be good for either one of us. And so I really had to sit with that. And understand what am I afraid of, and, you know, some of the things are a little bit more obvious than others. And so it was really an opportunity to know him better know myself better. And really, it's about slowing down. So that's what I think one of the benefits of journaling is, is it actually forces us to slow down, be with ourselves, because in this constant state of business that we are all in, we are in reactivity mode, and we are living life by default rather than design. And so slowing down really listening to my heart. Okay, what is present for me? How can I show up in the best way for him? How do I need to take care of myself in order to serve Him and support him in his healing journey. So self care is another one. And self care can be different for everybody. Some people, it's running some people, it's napping, some people, it's both of those things, and really allowing ourselves to build that into our lives is self care. So we Steve, it was, I did a lot of meditations in the car on the way to the doctor's appointments. So I would listen to guided meditation to help both of us just really be present and, and support us in the journey. So journaling, self care, I also started gratitude journal, which is also helpful. And really, every day I spent good, you know, 1020 minutes, thinking about what blessings we had in that day, which doctors supported us, which people on the street, you know, helped us walk them into the hospital or which friends brought us over food and really just forcing myself to focus on all the things that were going really well helped as well, because where our attention goes grows. So if I am only focused on the diagnosis, that's what's going to be playing in my mind over and over and over and all the things that come with that diagnosis. And those little windows of looking at the beautiful blessings, the miracles. And another part of that is celebrating the accomplishments along the way. So often we are like waiting for this grand finale. So like that day that we finally got his healthy prognosis. It was actually really full of mixed feelings. And we can get into that in a second but it was the steps along the way. You know that he finished the first radiation we saw abraded that, that he finished the first chemo, we celebrated that. And I think we need to do that in anything we're going through whether you're building a business, building a home, making your relationship stronger, what are the things that are going right, and don't wait until the end, because by the end, you're already on to the next goal. And so that's important as well. And going back to this mixed emotions of his healthy prognosis, it was so complicated. And that was actually a surprise. I thought, oh, gosh, we're just going to feel grateful and happy and everything's gonna be okay, and we can move forward. And what I realized through my journaling, and self reflection and slowing down is the day that we got that healthy prognosis other people were getting the diagnosis. And since we are all interconnected, it wasn't that simple. And just because we were on a new path, other people were starting that same journey. And so I not everybody had the same prognosis we did. So there was a lot of mixed emotions. So I think paying attention to our emotions is also very important, not bypassing them, or ignoring them, suppressing them, allowing them to be what they are, because it's information. And it's part of what makes us human.

Mark Struczewski
It does. And you know, we are walking, actually running very fast in warp speed in our world today. And we need to slow down, we really do need to slow down. As a productivity expert, people always ask me, what's my favorite journaling app, and I say I have a paper bullet journal, because I can't write as fast as I can type. And even if you use a print journal, it's gonna force you to slow down if you have any hope of reading it in the future. And I look at every bullet journal I write is something I'd like to sit down in the future and read. And I want to slow down and I'm not perfect, there's days I just write my goals down. And but there are days I go through and write down what I was feeling when I'm great before. So I'm not by any means perfect. But I think we as a human race need to slow down. You also mentioned about self care. And I remember up until like three or four years ago, I used to make fun of the word self care. But then Gary Vaynerchuk, he's a very successful entrepreneur says you don't get one life. This is it. And I really didn't start taking care of myself. I'll be 56 in a week, on June 21. told my mom was diagnosed with late onset Alzheimer's. So she's a three year old, trapped in a 76 year old body. Her mom, my grandmother died from Alzheimer's. So I had the opportunity to talk to mom's neuropsychologist. And I asked him Is there anything I can do, you know, to mitigate getting Alzheimer's, he says Yep, diet, exercise diet means like, get rid of the processed food exercise. You know, I'm learning French, she said learning a language reading a lot getting enough sleep, you may never get Alzheimer's. And but I didn't do that till I was 52. And I encourage the listener, whatever age you are, don't think there's gonna be another five years, another 10 years, we are not promised Another day, another hour, another second. And we need to slow down and realize that not every day is a gift every second as a gift. Because something could follow this guy when you're out walking your dog and kill you, man, I don't want to be morbid. But the point is, you are not promised tomorrow. And I think people really need to slow down. Be grateful. When people say I have not be grateful for Well, if you can listen to this podcast, you have ears. If you listen to this podcast, you can operate technology, which means you have some sort of brain working, there's a lot to be thankful for. And if you struggle, like I just look around, you got up today, you walked around, you can drink, you can eat, you can walk, you can use the restroom, you have a lot to be grateful for. And I think if people slow down, and really pay attention to what they all the blessings they have, they're going to find out that their life is much better than they think it is.

Jessica Zemple
I agree 100%. And I really honor you for integrating self care into your world. It's not easy, especially with the different mindsets within our culture, and it's looked at as selfish or you name the judgment. And to be able to go past those to really make those decisions for ourselves is it's instrumental. It's life changing. And the irony, which you've probably realized, I want to ask if you have But being a productivity expert, I found that the more that I slowed down, the more productive I actually be can became because I was able to use my time and energy to the things that really mattered. Rather than just what was coming at me, I was intentional about my choices and am now. And so ultimately, My days are more productive than they've ever been. And I have more self care, I have more vacations and life is grant. Is that was that your experience as well?

Mark Struczewski
Oh, absolutely. Matter of fact, I have a client in my digital productivity coaching program that is a CPA. And she's a CEO, CFO of a local company, and our local organization, I should say, and she always wanted to have a side hustle. She never had Ted time to that side hustle. But after going through my coaching, she was able to come up with three buckets. There's the work bucket, there's the personal slash self care bucket. And then there's the side hustle, because now she's in charge of for 24 hours, instead of just being reactive. Now her side hustles getting better. She's spending more time in self care. And she's still working. And you can't do that. If you're in reactive mode, which what you and I alluded to, when you're just reacting to everything happening, you're not going to get a lot of stuff done, when you slow down and say okay, what is important today? what needs to get done today, what would be kind of nice, be get done, what I need, spend less time on when you are intentional, which you can't do until you slow down. Your whole life changes. And I've been trying to tell people this for years. And they insist that faster is better. I said no, it's counterintuitive. Slowing down. I'll give an example. I run every day when I first started running on August 29 2017, I learned the run walk method. And that's you may be run for a mile, then you walk for a 10th of a mile. And when you think about it, like how can you compete in a race, if you're doing the run walk method, what what happens is, if you're just running non stop, you're going to slow down at the end of the race, where I am getting my breaks during the race, so I would have more energy at the end. So slowing down does allow you to go faster, believe it or not?

Jessica Zemple
What a great analogy. I love that. Yeah. Another mindset I think in our culture is more is better, which is kind of what you alluded to before. And there's this brilliant man, Barry Schwartz and his TED talk about the Paradox of Choice. I love it. Because it's so true. I mean, have you went and bought toothpaste lately? There's so many choices. And I spend 10 minutes in the toothpaste dial. I'm like, What are all these new things now I've got to educate myself more. And you know, some more is not always better. And simplification can actually make something even more robust and expansive actually, with my, the metaphor in my brand, I used to have four steps. So my whole method of methodology is about people have these shells around their pearls, and they close them in times of fear. And the only thing that opens them is love. So you shuck the shell open and it's love. So to shock is to love. And originally when I launched my brand, it was four steps to what shocking was and it was overly complicated. I understood it but I had to spend so much time explaining it to anybody I was meeting. And and then once I realized, wow, instead of four steps, really Love is the answer. That's what I'm trying to communicate. So I simplified it down to one thing. And then what happened is now so many other things fit into the category of love. So my teaching has actually expanded because love, love could mean so many things in so many different ways. And so my invitation to all of your listeners is where can you simplify your life to actually make it even more robust, more expansive? And a question I often ask myself is where am I over complicating this? How can I simplify this? How can I make this easier? And again, it takes slowing down to ask that question to really get the answers.

Mark Struczewski
quick comment on the toothpaste aisle. All these different varieties and flavors and deep cleaning cavity and fluoride. If you talk to your dentist, he goes they're all the same. They're all the same. He said it's not the toothpaste. It's actual the action of your toothbrush. And I'm like, Oh, that's interesting. Just like the cereal. And I'll be 56 on June 21. I remember when the serial i o had made about 10 serials. Now I think half the stores got cereal, I don't have cereal anymore. But it's it's, it's you go in, there's like, all my goodness, holy macaroni, I, you know, and it's just like, I just won't buy anything because it's so overwhelming. And you said a word I love simplify. I believe that complexity is the gateway to procrastination. And I made this mistake recently with my digital productivity coaching program I alluded to earlier, because I thought more was better. And so I had this part and this part and this part and this part. And then my clients started saying, we're confused. We don't understand these three parts over here, we like this one part over here. And I was trying to do the right thing, air quotes here, right thing and give lots and lots of value. But what I did is I confuse my clients don't I don't get it. Now I have one thing, the membership area. That's it, they didn't want all the other peripheral stuff because it confused them. And so I like you am a huge fan of simplicity, please make things as simple as possible. If, if Jessica came on the show, and she goes, Okay, here are 97 ways on how you can, you know, be more loving and encourage more people, your eyes are gonna glaze over and like 97 Forget it. But if she gives you one or two things, journal gratitude, you can remember those things and probably more likely to do them.

Jessica Zemple
Absolutely. And I acknowledge you for really listening to who you're serving to create an experience that can add the most value for them. That's brilliant. I love it.

Mark Struczewski
Let me go back to an example. We all know when you get an airline and they do the safety, the safety pitch, or safety with the demonstration, what do they tell you, they always tell you to put your mask on first, even above your child. Because if you're not taking care of yourself, you can't take care of your loved ones. That's what self cares about. You're not taking care of yourself. So you can say I'm awesome, I take care of myself, aren't I great, you're taking care of yourself, so that you're better to serve the ones you love and your clients. And so self care is not selfish. It's actually a very loving thing to do.

Jessica Zemple
I agree 100%. And I love your service mindset. Because I do believe we're all here to share our unique gifts in our unique way. And, and in order to do that, it really does take that time to take care of ourselves to nourish us I I use something called the ladder of love. And what that looks like is if you think about a ladder, and on the bottom of the ladder is fear. And then there's jealousy, rage. Maybe in the middle, there's more boredom, complacency, and then moving up that ladder is connection, creativity, innovation, joy, love, love is at the top. And if if you are always on the bottom of that ladder, it's harder to see possibility. So Einstein said it best, you can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it. So if you're down here in the dumps, it's okay that you are we're all human, we go through a range of emotions every single day. And honestly, it's not a bad thing. I mean, think of the best movies you like. It's because it takes us through all of our emotions. So we can feel everything or a golf game, you know that chip into the sandpit versus that the best drive of your life. And so all of that's part of being human. And if we can recognize when we're lower on that ladder of love, and have a plan, have an idea of how to move ourselves up into that higher vibration into that place of love. We will be better for everyone around us. And even if you think about a partnership, whether it's an intimate relationship or business partner, if you're both operating from the fear perspective, it's going to be harder to solve any problem that's ahead of you. And so taking that time out, if you're both in this bad place, say let's pause, walk around the block, or let's address this next week. Let's both take, take some time out and come back with fresh ideas. And that's what self care does. It elevates us into that space. Love, which, which is where everything flows. And that's where our greatest ideas come from. That's where our energy comes from. So it's, it's really critical. As you can tell, I'm a little bit passionate about it.

Mark Struczewski
Yeah, I love that the ladder of love very interesting. And just think back in history. If Hitler was to operate out of love, we wouldn't have had World War Two. You look at everything that happened in our world, the history of our world, if we would have acted out of love, or they would have acted out of love, we have a lot less problems. That's one of the reasons why I left Twitter, because there's very little love on Twitter, so I left them. I don't need that rubbish in my life. Okay, I don't want to be around people who are always complaining. I used analogy all the time and my listeners gonna roll their eyes here it goes Winnie the Pooh. You know, I want to hang around wanting to pose Christopher Robbins, or people like me, Tigger even piglets. I don't want to hang around to yours. Okay, yours are like, oh, what's the point we're all gonna die is cloudy. It's gonna rain, you know. So be careful who you're hanging around. You want to hang around people who love life. As we do. So, Jessica, you give us a lot to think about in the show today, where can we find out more about you and what you're doing in the world?

Jessica Zemple
My website is lifeshucker.com. Otherwise, I am at Jessica at lifeshucker.com, and please, I love sharing resources. I love helping people. So let me know whatever it is you're going through and we'll sprinkle a little bit more love into your life.

Mark Struczewski
I love it. Jessica, thank you so much for being on the show today. It was absolute pleasure having you here.

Jessica Zemple
Thank you so much.

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