Rewiring Your Brain for Success - Nicole Laino

beliefs mindset success May 28, 2021
Mark Struczewski, Nicole Laino

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Nicole Laino is a startup Founder, Business & Mindset Coach, and the host of the Limitless Entrepreneur Podcast. She helps entrepreneurs eliminate limiting beliefs and expand their mindset so they can become limitless.

Mark Struczewski
Nicole, welcome to the show.

Nicole Laino
Hi, Mark, how are you?

Mark Struczewski
I am awesome. I am so super stoked that you're here. And I'll tell you why. Because I've been talking a lot about mindset lately, cuz it's so important to your productivity and your overall wellness in life. But when you talk about limitless, it gets me even more excited because I am actually doing Tony Robbins UPW Virtual next weekend, June 3 - 6 for 16-hour days, but I heard from everyone I know who has gone through it, it is utterly life-changing. So I'm really super stoked about talking to you about all these beliefs that are causing us not to be the best versions of ourselves.

Nicole Laino
I love it. Well, that makes me even more, I was excited to come on here, but now I'm even more excited and congratulations on your UPW. I have heard that it is wonderful. I have not participated myself yet. But it is called unleash the power within not unleash the power of all the stuff that you could put inside yourself. It is about you unlocking the magic that's in you. And I don't think anybody necessarily starts out there. Either. They're not like, you don't start a business and you're like, you know what I have to do, I have to tap into my inner greatness. It's, that's what got you into it in the first place. But you'd probably didn't know that you just had this inner knowing you had this calling where you're like, I think I have something more to offer. And you don't really trust that in the beginning, you trusted enough to take the step. And then you're like, what's all the stuff I have to learn, and you have troubles and you're like I need to get I have to get better at time management, I have to get better at organization, I have to get better at all these things. And you get good at those things. And eventually, you will bump up against yourself. And that happens at different times for people. But usually when you want to get to there's a level that you get to where the hustle is no longer enough. And you're like, but I still want more. And that's when you look to unleash the power within.

Mark Struczewski
I love how you said that. Because for the longest time, I'm very transparent with my listener, by the way, I struggled making money. And I went from coach to coach to coach to coach finally got a coach that says, you know why you're not making a lot of money? This is before, you know, 2021 you have a mental block with money. And I'm like I do? She goes yeah, if you can't fix that part, the money is just not gonna come to you because money is kind of scared of people who have scarcity mindsets. And, and I thought, I naively thought when I invested in her that we're going to talk about funnels, and we're talking about lead magnets when we're talking about courses; she said no, you got all that stuff in spades. It's what's between your ears. That's where your mindset block is. And I came up with this term. I don't know if I'm the first one that came up with it. But mindset constipation. You like that? I don't know if I've originated it or not. But I was in my own way. And I think a lot of people are in their own way. And that's one of the reasons even though I'm not looking forward to 15 - 16 hour days with Tony Robbins, I heard, you won't even know it's 15 - 16 hours a day there. It's like so much content, you can't possibly take all the notes. It's so immersive. Because I like so many other people are getting their own ways. Now some people are not in as much of their way as other people are. But mindset is something we need to talk about because I believe everyone (I read his book, Tony Robbins book Awaken the Giant Within) has a giant within them. The problem is we're blocking our own greatness.

Nicole Laino
We are and that takes some courage to admit to because it's much easier like I look at it like we are computers. This is an analogy that I feel like people can make a lot of sense out of that if you think about yourself, your brain, and the way that you are as the way a computer operates. You know, when you have your phone or you have a computer, you're like, Okay, I have this base. And now I'm going to put all these apps in and I'm going to run all these applications and that's how I'm going to get everything done. Now there are upgrades that are made to the operating system all the time in order for those apps to work. And if you think about yourself, and you as the operating system, and all the apps and the things that you are buying and consuming and trying to install in yourself to run, but if your operating system is not upgraded to the level of being able to run one of these programs, you will find yourself stuck, you're going to get all the stuff, you're going to get the strategy, everybody wants the strategy, we want the skills, and I say I'm a type-A hippie, I started out, I am like, super type A I would like because that's we have, we all have strategies for getting through life, we all have Strategies for Success, what worked for us so far, me working hard, being super dependable being like just somebody who could solve problems in my corporate career that was that when I worked on wall street for six years, that was like, my genius, I was really good at it, and I was rewarded for it. But that only goes so far, that my operating system when I no longer could take in the strategy, when I would take in a strategy for content creation. Or for automating a funnel, or for running a course or building a course, I'd run up against these roadblocks, that I'd be like, well, and then my natural thought process was, well, I just need another course to figure this out, or someone else to teach me something else because something must be missing in this thing that I bought because I bought the thing and it's not working. And it takes some courage to look at it and say, no, maybe it's me. And that's not a judgment on yourself. But it's a recognition that maybe if the answers are all within you, how much power does that give you? And I think we're a little bit afraid of that power. Because that means we have to take responsibility for the things that go right, which sometimes that's very difficult for us to even give ourselves credit for the success that we have. But and then the things that don't go right to look at them and say I created this somehow this is a reflection of something internally that's going on in me, not in a way of beating myself up but to say, Well, if there's a problem, there's also a solution. If the problem exists, a solution exists. If the solution is not outside, it's inside; then if I do the work, it's just sometimes hard to look at ourselves. Sometimes it's tough to say, I have a bug in my system. And I need to clear it out. It took me a long time. Now I look at them. And I'm like, that's just a bug. I could just get to that. What do I have to do? What do I have to? How do I What do I need to believe in order to not run into this glitch anymore?

Mark Struczewski
Many years ago, I heard the phrase less is more. And the reason why I bring that up is because you talked about the computer analogy. And a lot of people have way too many apps on their phones. And you're not using them. So why not get rid of them? And I think the same comes with what you just talked about getting in our own way. And it's not another course, it's me. But sometimes we think more now it's more courses more webinars is better when actually it's actually counterintuitive. Less is actually more; maybe I don't need more courses. And more webinars, maybe I need to go okay. Let me look at seeing where the problem really is. Because we like to go for that quick, give me a pill doctor, Oh, to lose weight, don't eat processed food. No, just give me a pill. So I can still eat the crap I'm normally eating, we want the quick fix. But if you truly want to be Unlimited, you got to stop, embrace less is more, and go, what is the big problem here? And I think if people would just take the time to dive in, of course, there's that little evil word of time. Because you can't do this, like, between meetings or zoom calls or when you're at the red light. You need to sit down and maybe with a piece of paper and someplace quiet without your phone and go Okay, what is my problem? And what do I think is causing my problem and do a brainstorming? The problem is we're always in a hurry to go, go go go. We don't take time to figure out what is the cause. And as a result, it just keeps getting worse and worse.

Nicole Laino
Yeah, and this is where if you want to learn a skill, like we're very concerned with learning skills and taking in information if you want to learn a skill, learning how to navigate yourself and your operating system is a skill that will pay you dividends in every aspect of your life, forever and ever and ever. We all have strategies. We all have ways that we are, without us knowing. It's keeping where we are, where we are safe where we are is our version of stuck. So if I want, if I have a million dollars, and I want to have five, I'm stuck at a million, if I want to have $100,000, and I'm only making $10,000 a year, then I'm stuck at 10. Like all of these things, just different versions of stuck. But safe equals stuck. And it's our brain's job to keep us safe. So what we have to do is start to get, and this is, you know, what I work through with people is we really start to pay attention to what strategies do we kind of autopilot shift into when things get tough when, when things go? Well, some of us pump the brakes. And that's what we'll it's only paying attention and having that awareness heightened of what's happening. But it starts with and for the listener out there that's like, Well, what do I do? How do I do it? I love that you said that adding stuff on, having too much is not the answer. And that's absolutely my experience as well. I say to people all the time, it's an addition and subtraction. Yes, you need to remove all the things that are getting in your way; more stuff is just more distraction. But where it starts for everybody, and this is a really funny thing is, getting super-duper clear on what you want. Most people don't know what they really want. And, and I mean, like, like really detailed about it, not detailed so much where you get stuck in the house. But what does your life look like? in its best vision for yourself? Like if you sat there and thought about it, and said, and why do you want it? Does it evoke some sort of feeling for you? If it doesn't invoke a feeling if you're doing it because it's something that you've equated to success? So if you say like, I want a six-figure year, that's like a very big, that's a big milestone for a lot of entrepreneurs starting out, I want to hit the six-figure year. Why? Why does that matter to you? Because if it matters to you, because it's some marker of success that has no basis in reality for you, it will not motivate you. And it might just be stirring up other things. So what does success look like for you? It might just be that I get to curl up with my kid for an hour before work. Because I don't have to rush anywhere. I have a team really filling it out and making it into a real vision. And then pay attention to what comes up. Are there fears, is there some thought, I guarantee you something will come up, it will either be thought of oh my god, that will be awesome. And you start to feel it and it starts to feel like you just have like, you know, someone's giving you like the most wonderful massage. You're like, oh god, this is so good. Or you start to have some fears pop up something in you says, You can't have that. Or the more often what I find the thoughts are things like, I don't know, if I really want that. I don't know or there's something tied to it. I'm equating that success with a loss of time. Oh, well, if I have that much, if I have a business like that, then I'm going to pay more in taxes. And then it's going to level out to the same thing. So why am I going to work harder for the this is a limiting belief, this is a limiting belief pattern that will keep you hitting the brake and just screeching your tires, hitting the gas because there's another foot on the brake. So all you do you're spinning tires and and and just screeching out. That is what needs to be dealt with. Because you can willpower your way through it temporarily. But you will always come back to that roadblock in your way; that thought will poison the well continually until you clear it. And for me, I work a lot with emotions that are under it. Because thoughts that you can try to reverse a thought but it's very difficult to do until you get to the emotion that's tying the thought to you. There's something in there that that fear comes from someplace and that's that's the deeper work that when you start doing that, that's when you really clear things out for good and you can move forward.

Mark Struczewski
You gave us a lot to think about there. So I made notes, I didn't have to interrupt you because you were in the flow. And I didn't want to interrupt you. So I want to go back to first of all when you talk about stuck, I love what Tony Robbins says. It's kind of like you have a thermostat, and your house is set to 80 degrees. And all of a sudden the temperature goes 82, 83, 84, 85; after a while, the AC will kick on and lower it back to 80 degrees. And 80 degrees is symbolizing your stuckness. Okay, gets colder, warms up it gets warmer, colder, hotter, it keeps going because you are stuck at 80. And I want people to keep that analogy in mind. You also talked about more taxes and I heard Grant Cardone, maybe one of his books or something he said, you want to pay more taxes, because theoretically, if you're paying more taxes, you're making more money. So you should celebrate as you said about the limiting beliefs. Oh, I gotta pay more taxes. No, celebrate it, because you're making more money, you're serving more people. And the other thing is, I really like how you went really deep on clarity for us. A lot of people have no idea what they want in their life. You say, Well, what are your goals? Ah, hope to make it till tonight. I hope to make it to the weekend, hope I make it to the end of the year I'm like, no, that's not what we're talking about. What do you want to do? And again, as I said earlier, you can't do this, like between commercials, or in the car, or between zoom meetings, you need to sit down and go, okay, what do I really want? This year, next year, three years from now, five years from now, and think about it. I think people don't want to, I don't know, do the exercise because it's not tangible. Like this microphone and this MacBook. It's not something you hold, and people go well, yeah, I know. I should. A prime example is New Year's resolutions. I hate New Year's resolutions, I love goals, specific goals. I want to lose 25 pounds by May 1, 2022; specific goals. And I'm gonna do this, this and this to do that. Okay, I'm a daily runner. So my yearly goal is to run 1000 miles, pretty easy. Either I ran 1000 miles, or I didn't run 1000 miles. But you can't have vague goals. You can't say, I want to be better. I want to be calmer. I want to be more patient, you got to be able to measure it. Because who's the management guru who decided you have to measure it to make it happen. There's something on that? Do you remember that quote it's eluding me right now? Oh, it's um, if you can't measure it, you can't improve it. Yeah, something like that. The famous guy that you and I can't think of right now. But it's true. You have to measure. So when you create your goals, when you get clear, you have to be clear on your clarity. That sounds kind of like a play with words. But you got to be really crystal clear. And there are no wrong answers. Well, I guess there is if you want to, like kill everybody in the world and, and blow up the planet, that may not be a good worthy goal. But most people don't want to do that. Most people want to have goals, and I just empower people, encourage people and cheer people on, please take the time to think about what you want to do with your life. As Tony Robbins says, life happens for you, not to you. So don't blame COVID, the government, the economy, say look at what can I do? And I think people should start there.

Nicole Laino
For sure. And I think a lot of people don't commit to goals, they don't make goals, they don't look at goals. They don't envision the future because they're afraid that they can't make it happen. So again, limiting belief, limiting thoughts, your way of thinking is getting in the way of you doing the things that will help you create the life that you say you want. But the first commitment is can you envision it? Can you see it in a way that's real and we stop envisioning it? Because the pain can sometimes be too great. That's because there's a part of us that says we can't have that; stop thinking about it. Why are you doing this to us? This is painful, please, please stop. And so that that I often find and I work with people where I'm like, what's the vision? What is it that you want? And I always say that there are different strategies they were saying earlier, there are different strategies that we use to because the brain, the subconscious, is very, very clever. And it is us so there's nothing in the world that knows how to get around our stuff, like our own mind, and its job is to keep us safe. So it uses these strategies. To autopilot us around the things that could be potentially painful. So what do we do? We have these different strategies, we have a strategy of distracting. We have the strategy of people-pleasing, we shift into doing things for others, and we get off track that way, we distract. So we start doing other things that seem productive, so we can feel like we're doing something more, we become perfectionists. So we try to control the whole thing, and white knuckle it and push, push, push that is a that is actually a counterproductive strategy that we can use. So there are all of these ways that we do it, where we still feel like we're doing something but this is how you burn out. You burn out because you are working so hard. These strategies are just firing without you really being aware of them until you become aware. And they are causing you to burn time, burn energy and not achieve what you want. So what does that do? Keeps you right where you are, it keeps you right at that thermostatic level, like you said, which is another way that they put it as the upper limit problem. There's a great book called The Big Leap, where that is what it's all about. And by Gay Hendricks which in that book, he kind of coined the phrase, the upper limit problem, where there are reasons that we feel like we it sort of equates to that age-old saying of you get the love you feel you deserve. You get the life you feel you deserve. Your thermostatic level is set to your level of deserving, in your own mind, your level of worthiness. And there are all different reasons that set to the number that it is, but it's our job to practice turning that up and pay attention when that invisible hand comes in and starts to turn it down starts to kick on that AC and say no, no, no, you belong down here. You have to this is where you have to make that decision where you're like, I'm going to be so keenly aware of when these things are happening, that I can stop it. And I pay very close attention to what comes up when they do because that's how you get into the operating system. That's how you rewrite your code.

Mark Struczewski
I love that. I quote Tony Robbins a lot because I really like what he teaches. He said you will never change until, listen to this folks, until the pain of staying. is greater than the pain of changing. Hmm, let me say that again. In case you missed it, you're on a run, you're walking the dog, maybe picking up poop at this time, whatever. Life is real. You will never change until the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving, changing whatever the case may be. When I heard first heard this I laughed so hard, is people are in their own clothing and they are wearing a diaper and they wet their diaper. But they know they should change it. But it's my pee and it's warm and comfortable. And it's kind of gross to think about it. But that's true; people are like well, it's not really that bad yet, and they won't change. And people like you and me and Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi and Brendon Burchard. And all these people are trying to get people to say look at if you are not recognizing that where you are now is not going to get you where you want to go. You're going to be there today, next week, next year, 10 years from now because there's nothing to get you to move. That's why I love coaches. Why love people like Tony Robbins and all the other people I mentioned because they are passionate about getting you to live, like Tony Robbins says, with passion. listener? Are you living life with passion? Every day? I wake up every day, like a little boy on Christmas morning. What is the day going to entail for me? What am I gonna learn? Who am I going to meet? Like I I met Nicole for the first time today. And we had a pre-call but this is the first time I've actually seen her. You know, do you wake up every day excited? Sunday through Saturday? Do you wake up every day going *sigh* it's another day? You get to choose! You get to choose so I mean, I don't know what else we can possibly say Nicole, but I want to give you the last word here in just a second. But we've given the people so much to think about. And the last point I want to leave before you have the last word; I like to live to give my guests the last word is you're in control of this and you got to stay away from toxic influencers, social media, TV, movies, video, family members, whoever. You don't want toxic people in your life. You want uplifting, edifying, positive people to encourage you. So please take a look at who's influencing you because you're being influenced every day whether you realize it or not. And you need to be very cautious. That. So, Nicole, you get the last word today,

Nicole Laino
I get the last word. Oh, thank you for this conversation, I appreciate you. Thank you so much. Well, I guess what I'd like to leave the listener with is, I want you to remember that beliefs are just thoughts that you think over and over and over again, so they become part of your programming, it does not mean that they are any less under your control, they're actually completely under your control because you are the creator of your thoughts. When you make the decision to be the creator of thoughts that serve you, you will see your life change. So I hope that that helps. I hope that you know, if that if I leave you with that, that that will carry you far if you take that to heart.

Mark Struczewski
That is what Robin Sharma says is a brain tattoo, people need to realize that your beliefs are your own beliefs. And they shouldn't be your spouse's beliefs. Your friend's beliefs, whatever; they should be your beliefs. And if you don't like your beliefs, like you just so eloquently said, Nicole, change them. It's so Nicole, where can we go to find out more about you and what you're doing in the world.

Nicole Laino
So you can come to my website, nicolaino.me. And I'm actually having a free workshop in a couple of weeks, where I talk about visibility and how to step out and be the most powerful version of yourself. It's a free five-day workshop that we'll be running and you can go to nicolaino.me. And it's /workshop. And you can register for that; we would love to have you

Mark Struczewski
Now because most people listen to the show the first 24 or 48 or 72 hours, today is May 28. So what is the date of your workshop?

Nicole Laino
The date of the workshop is June 14.

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